The wolf moon is the first full moon of the year. I know there are better photos than this one, but maybe not scarier. And it was taken not far from Forks. Ooo-oo-ooo.

Here in Dog Patch, we may not have your fancy schmancy wine tastings and canapés. But our upscale establishments put on a spread that sure tickles us.

Why I don’t wear cosmetics: Yesterday I shopped/ate with friends. To get ready, I Neosporined my earrings so they won’t hurt my ears. I ladled cream with the consistency of lard all over my face to keep dry skin from peeling right off. I used extra strength lard on my cracked lips, rammed Vasoline up my nose to keep it from bleeding due to sinus issues, and finished with some damn potion that puffs up the wrinkles around my eyes. Also, I put stick’m in my hair so it spikes and I look just like Meg Ryan (honest to God, that’s what my hair dresser told me it would do). After all this just to face the day, who the hell has time for cosmetics?

I made my Sunday morning trek to Rite Aid, coupons clutched in hand. While shopping for sinus meds, I realized I started humming along to American Pie which the store was broadcasting. I heard Sis in the shampoo aisle, also humming along. Then a tenor maybe over in Dental Needs joined in. For a brief spell, Rite Aid rocked. And now that I have brought up Miss American Pie, the Chevy and that levee, I’m betting you’ll be humming it, too.

It must be hell to sell a recreational vehicle in this day and age. I consider this one of your cleverer marketing approaches.

About all they have left to try is “buy an RV because what the hell.”