I’m writing this from Valdez, the northernmost ice-free port in North America. That “ice-free” bit is why it’s a terminal for the pipeline. And indirectly why it was devastated by the continent’s biggest oil spill. Cruise ship propaganda does its best to sugarcoat that. But we are the only ship here that isn’t a tanker (although cruise passengers are frequently tanked). The spill was twenty years ago, and the town is recovering; it has a Wal-Mart.

Alaska cruises mostly travel the inland passage which is a lovely place to be, especially if you are not depressed by gray. At least the locals are colorful. The joke about the men folk: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Sis and I wanted to do this particular cruise because it is a smaller ship that can visit more remote ports. Icy Strait Point, Kodiak, Valdez. We’ve seen humpbacks form a fishing circle, puffins darting everywhere, and sea otters that are the definition of cute.

That all leads me to the point of this post. I’m not so ice-free these days. I’m now a three-month-old widow. I’ve been through all the downs and the few ups that you would associate with widowhood. I’m not quite ready for match.com, but I’m no longer “sitting in the corner sucking on the mop,” as my Aunt Mary used to say.

What has surprised me is that I can’t seem to throw an overall irritability. Some people (Barry, you know who you are) might say that irritability is nothing new for me. Well, true. But I’ve always needed a stimulus of some sort. Now, it is a constant companion. Criticisms pop out of my mouth like gumballs from a machine. I am as easily baited as a bear. Typical conversations:

CRUISE PASSENGER: I’ve sailed the Americas, Australia, and, of course, the Med.
ME: Fuck off.

BANKER: Customer service! That’s our only goal. You matter to us.
ME: Fuck off.

MECHANIC: You need an oxygen sensor and the rotors are shot.
ME: Fuck off.

As you can see, this irritability is playing hell with my repartee. I’m sure this phase will pass, hopefully soon because I don’t much like being a stand in for Chief Thunder-Thud.

Maybe what I really need is a couple of sea otters to pet.