Tasty tidbits

No doubt about it, cruise food is showing signs of a downturn in the economy. Remember the lobster of yesterday? Today it was all you can eat Squid Balls Soup. I imagine the chocolate on tomorrow night’s midnight buffet will be replaced with Peeps and Circus Peanuts.

***

His mother told him he could have whatever he wanted from the buffet that evening. So the little boy’s dinner was mashed potatoes with gravy and brownies. Oh, to be young again.

***

They had just brought out a new platter of papaya, and there was only one man ahead of me. What joyful luck. Ripe papaya is ambrosia, a true gift of the gods and you can never ever get it at, say, the Piggy Wiggly. I was absolutely delighted, and wanted to do the little supper dance that Charlie (my doxy) does when his bowl is in sight. But then this snaky prick ahead of me picked up a bowl AND a plate and systematically helped himself to every single ripe piece, leaving only the bitter little strips as rock hard as, well, rocks. I was heart broken, which quickly morphed into fury. I no longer cared about global warming or GM or killer bees. I wanted to scream at him, “Put that back you miserable little fucker,” or maybe leap upon him and crack his scrawny little bastard head with its substandard brain stem against the deck repeatedly until cruise security hauled me away. I didn’t, but you might want to take this as a warning in case we ever meet: don’t fuck with my food.

***

In Hilo, we drove through a McDonald’s for our iced coffee (we’re no longer Starbuck’s material). There they featured the regional menu extension you see below. I don’t look for it to go world wide anytime soon.

Back on board, I was told today I couldn’t have an iced coffee in one of the shipboard lounges because they didn’t have the right kind of glass. To all my friends: If I have ever served you iced coffee in inappropriate glassware, forgive me. I have only my Midwest bumpkin upbringing to blame.

***

Non food tidbit: No trip to the islands is complete without a trip to Hilo Hattie’s for some real fine duds. I’m sure Linda, JB and the boys will be tickled to know we’ve made this pilgrimage just a month before Christmas. Mahalo, dudes

8 Responses to “Tasty tidbits” »»

  1. Comment by Trina | 11/21/08 at 4:25 pm

    Oh I am JEALOUS! Hawaii is my most favorite place on earth. If it were up to me we would be living there.

    Aloha!

  2. Comment by Donna | 11/21/08 at 4:47 pm

    I love love love the Maui babe tanning oil, that is the best shit ever, if you get a chance to buy some do it, takes the dimples out of your legs, (the caffeine in it) and you really do tan like crazy without burning. I’ve been having to order it from the abc store online, but originally found it when we were in honolulu.
    Also, you totally don’t want to mess with my food either, my daughter and grandsons still talk about the time that “gramma went crazy and tried to beat up the guy at Denny’s and the police came”.
    The chef pissed me off and I tried to drag him across the counter. Never mind, not my best moment. (But when I tell the grandkids to behave they do, I think they are afraid I’ll go on another rampage, lol)
    I hope you are having a blast!

  3. Comment by Jennifer | 11/21/08 at 7:21 pm

    OK, now I can’t believe that as assertive and confident a woman as you would have left that buffet without fresh papaya. Did you at least ask the Hawaiian poolboy server dudes to go back to the kitchen and cut up some MORE???? I don’t know if I could have stood behind the guy, watching him take all the fruit, without making a LOT of remarks, the least of which would have been “HEY. PEOPLE BACK HERE, WANT SOME TOO, HOW ABOUT LEAVING SOME FOR US??

    Your fury is justified, and that guy was just being selfish and rude. I’ve always sorta thought the majority of cruise passengers were that way, just out for ME ME ME; what do you think – was that guy the exception or the rule?

    Now I’ve gotten myself all into my own personal fury over this incident, I’m going to step away from the computer and start my Friday night drinking.

  4. Comment by archiearchive | 11/22/08 at 12:21 am

    I would arrange a tryst at midnight – near a rail, out of sight of the bridge – - -

  5. Comment by Mister | 11/22/08 at 4:16 am

    When I want iced coffee and don’t have the right glass, I usually use a rinsed out mayonnaise jar.
    Should have suggested that.

  6. Comment by Mrs. Who | 11/22/08 at 5:22 am

    That is PRECISELY how those mysterious disappearances at sea from cruise ships occur.

    Greedy fucker.

  7. Comment by willikat | 11/25/08 at 5:09 pm

    Hawaii is my most favoritist place on Earth. I got engaged and married there, and it is heaven. I love how they serve spam and eggs at McD’s (a good Minnesota product), too. Oh and Hilo Hatties. Oh Hawaii.
    I also laughed really hard–in sympathy–at your Papaya Incident.

  8. Comment by Anonymous | 12/12/08 at 6:06 pm

    Taro is tasty in bubbletea. But that bubbling, purple goop looks like chunky vomitus.

    I like your blog. Looking forward to future ballsy, hilarious entries, miss!
    -Sam

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