Short Game 11

The fun never stops at the nursing home; the August schedule included gospel singers, a pirate invasion, Dancing Grandmas, movies with popcorn, an ice cream social. There was also a Watermelon Spitting Contest. I presume they mean Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest, otherwise that’s a little hard on the old folks. And, yes, a wet T-shirt contest. Let’s hope this involved squirt guns vs. octogenarians showing off their wares.

***

According to the AP release of 8/28: Idaho Senator Craig claims his actions were “misconstrued.” Let’s examine this. A review of the event in question:

Police officer Karsnia was in a stall in a Minneapolis airport men’s room when he saw the Senator gazing through the door crack. The senator, after “fidgeting” with his fingers, entered the adjoining stall, tapped his right foot several times, moved said foot into Karsnia’s stall and touched the officer’s foot. He passed his left hand, palm up, under the stall divider, guiding it along the divider toward the front of the stall three times. Eventually, the officer arrested him.

OK. I certainly see how these actions could be misconstrued. For instance, maybe the Senator had laryngitis and tapped his foot to get Karsnia’s attention. Using body language, he was merely requesting three sheets of toilet paper.

Or, the senator admired the officer’s snappy loafers and wanted to see how one would look on his own foot.

Or, the senator is engaged in Operation Clean-Up, a major bust of airport janitors who refuse to dust the bottoms of dividers.

Or, Officer Karsnia was only wearing a Speedo at the time.

I am sure you have your own perfectly logical explanations for the Senator’s actions.

***

True or False. The real dog is on the right.

Puppy and toy

***

I have decided to spend a major chunk of my IRA now because, Let’s face it, I’m not exactly surrounded by people with successful old ages. And I don’t have the sense God gave a goose (my financial advisor actually moaned when I explained my plan). Sis and I are taking a long, long cruise.

Note to Josh: Before you get all crappy about cruising, keep in mind you are spry and can get your own damn brewskies, whereas I have reached the age of enjoying the finer things, like pool boys to hustle them up for me.

We’re heading for New Zealand via south sea islands. Then to a couple Australia ports. We will be in Sydney for four days before flying home. If anyone has a personal “don’t miss” in the Sydney area, please share.

And, can anyone figure out how I can disappear for six weeks without telling my clients?

20 Responses to “Short Game 11” »»

  1. Comment by Jhianna | 08/31/07 at 1:20 pm

    I was about to say their August schedule was more action filled than mine was, but then I remembered I went on a 7 day motorcycle trip. Nevermind! (But I bet their September schedule will be more jam packed than mine, guaranteed)

    Um… yeah, it must have been the laryngitis one. Yeah, yeah – that’s it!

    True. No False. Wait…. (actually adorable)

    Oh, I’m green with envy. That sounds wonderful! If they have wireless access, then you’re just an email away!

  2. Q
    Comment by Q | 08/31/07 at 2:03 pm

    I suggest reading Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country in preparation for the trip. He did some things that are really cool that are off the beaten bath.

    When in Australia you should also be sure to remember that everything there can kill you and is undoubtedly plotting you demise. Especially the spiders.

  3. Comment by Jennifer | 08/31/07 at 2:28 pm

    I found a beautiful jungly-type pool in an empty park north of Sydney (it was a rainy day, the tourists were elsewhere), and being caught up in the moment, I stripped down and had a lovely swim. Later, back in the rental car, I discovered about 10 leeches attached to various arteries. So beware! They didn’t kill me, but they did freak me out in a major way. Lesson learned: enjoy the beauty, just don’t swim in it.

    Are you going to keep us posted via photos on your journey? I trust you wouldn’t take a cruise without ensuring Internet access? Think of your faithful readers; the heck with those pesky clients.

    Sounds like great fun!

  4. Comment by Carolyn J. | 08/31/07 at 4:59 pm

    Is that a nursing home, or a frathouse?

  5. Comment by Melanie | 08/31/07 at 5:48 pm

    LOVE your explanations for Senator Criag. Perhaps you could offer to help out his PR folks. That pup has the most adorable face. You don’t fuss if he/she destroys things or has accidents on the rug, do you? How could you? And last but not least: Where’s the Bingo!!? My grandma was always so very pissed if something interrupted the Bingo Hour.

  6. Comment by Linda | 08/31/07 at 6:19 pm

    Q and Jennifer? SPIDERS??? LEECHES??? I don’t remember anything about that in the cruise literature. Jeez. I was only worried about dingos and the men, but now…

    Melanie: Oh yes, Bingo. It’s so important, it is a constant, along with coffee hour and “sittercise.” The first time I heard that announced on the P.A. system, I thought they said “it’s time for suicide in the activities hall.”

  7. Comment by Steve | 08/31/07 at 7:56 pm

    Any of your explanations are better than the one that bonehead came up with. You’d think a senator would more prepared with his lies. I doubt we’ll notice his absence… unless, of course you need to use a public men’s room.

  8. Comment by Mister | 09/01/07 at 12:46 am

    The poor Senator obviously got his signals mixed up. Everyone knows, if you’re available, you enter the restroom with a flower over your left ear.

  9. mo
    Comment by mo | 09/01/07 at 5:45 pm

    new zealand rules…. of course, i’m biased, hving lived my entire life here :D i hope you get a kick out of it too!

  10. Comment by Mrs. Who | 09/01/07 at 8:07 pm

    I will be anxious to get your daily reports (yes, I expect daily) about your cruise. I have a friend who student-taught in New Zealand and loved it so much, she goes back often. It is supposed to be absolutely beautiful.

    However, you DO know there are salt water crocodiles in Australia that LEAP out of the water and eat people, don’t you. I am SO not kidding.

  11. Comment by Jennifer | 09/02/07 at 9:32 am

    Wow, the crocodile story beats my leeches by an order of magnitude.

    OhYeah also on the same Australia vacation (as the leeches), one of my traveling companions got stung by a box jellyfish (while swimming around an island near Cairns) and spent 2 days in the hospital vomiting… good times!

    But that’s part of the fun of Australia – the wild and untamed. And we also snorkeled/scuba’d up and down the Barrier Reef, which was unbelievable and one of those “never will forget it” lifetime memories.

    New Zealand (part of the same trip) had its own thrills; we spent a full week hiking and cycling around the Coromandel Peninsula (north side of north island). Great views of cliffs, ocean, and lots of sheep up close. And the most fun people to meet (we stayed in peoples’ guest rooms, part of the NZ “Bed and Breakfast” program).

    When are you going on this big event? Now I’m talking myself into going too!

  12. Comment by Linda | 09/02/07 at 11:13 am

    But what about the Koalas? And wild budgies? And baby roos? Somebody help! I’ve actually already had my own experience with a Man-o-war jelly fish years ago in Florida. I’ve had sufficient, thanks.

  13. Comment by Moose | 09/03/07 at 1:35 pm

    As someone who just quit her job to Live the Writing Dream, in spite of a noticeable lack of revenue stream therein, I applaud your fiscal chutzpah. And New Zealand is gorgeous – especially the lighthouse at the edge of the world.

  14. Comment by Jennifer | 09/03/07 at 4:41 pm

    Just don’t go swimming in the wild open spaces, and you will be fine. If you want to go snorkeling, ask around about “how are the jellyfish this time of year” first!

    I did see many tropical birds, and since you like birds you should enjoy yourself. I spent 6 weeks in NZ and 4 weeks in Australia and never saw one koala or kangaroo (other than ‘roo pets at hotels). I saw lots of possums (the smooshed on the road kind) though…

  15. Comment by Tommy | 09/03/07 at 5:39 pm

    I hear one of you clients is one of the most incredible people you would ever want to meet. I’m sure you will have the time off.

  16. Comment by Trina | 09/03/07 at 8:08 pm

    I have a hunch that your clients probably won’t care too much that you are gone. Especially these days when all the cruise ships have internet access. :) I hope you go. I want to read all about your trip.

  17. Jo
    Comment by Jo | 09/04/07 at 4:47 pm

    Yay New Zealand! I’m biased too though ;) Whereabouts does the cruise stop off in NZ? :)

  18. Comment by Linda | 09/04/07 at 5:42 pm

    Hi, Jo: The ship makes these stops: Bay of Islands, Tauranga, Napier, Wellington, Auckland Wellington, Picton, Dunedin, Christchurch. Sis and I are both more interested in scenery than souvenirs so we are hoping there will be lots to see close to the ports.

  19. Jo
    Comment by Jo | 09/09/07 at 6:57 pm

    Excellent, there’ll definitely be lots of scenery for you to see at those stops. Looking forward to reading about your trip :)

  20. Comment by Josh | 09/26/07 at 4:34 pm

    I’m not down on cruises. I think they sound fun as hell. I would love to go on one one day. Hopefully one with beer wenches as opposed to pool boys in banana hammocks, but whatever. And why save all your money, just spend it while you’re still here.

    BTW, octogenarian is a great word. And I think a senior wet T-Shirt contest sounds like fun. Heck, they make Ciallis for a reason.

    Side note, that was a trick question. There were no real dogs in that picture.

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