Old enough to know better
Short Game 23

Doldrums

I have been suffering an attack of the doldrums that I just can’t shake. Maybe the economy, maybe the weather, maybe the fucked up mess we call a government. All that could break a woman of sterner stuff than me.

But I think this is more inward-oriented.

It will soon be three years since the Mister entered the Fun House. Without a doubt this has been harder for him. Thank God I have such a supportive sister to help me through.

But just now, I am the only one invited to this pity party. In the evening, I put the cover over the bird, I say goodnight to Sis and SOL, I go downstairs with the dogs and I shut the door.

I make dinner for one. I eat in front of American Idol or Project Runway. The dogs wait until they can share my lap to sleep the evening away. It is calm and sweet and restful and safe. And so lonely.

Why is that so hard to admit? In the mean time, does anyone have some extra chocolate?

By: Linda | 04/02/08 | Uncategorized | Trackback | Comments [RSS 2.0]

16 Responses to “Doldrums” »»

  1. Quiana
    Comment by Quiana | 04/02/08 at 11:54 am

    I have also been a bit malaise-d for the last week or so. I say this not to compare our incomparable woes, but to say that I have plenty of extra chocolate (and the extra ass to prove it). Just let me know where to send it (the chocolate or the spare ass).

    I greatly look forward to your blog posts (and someday a book?); both the witty observations and the more sobering posts add a spark to my life that previously was not there. I don’t know if it is any consolation to know that you have a community that is keenly interested in your life and hopes very much that it is as full of joy as it can possibly be. I hope it is.

    Keep you chin up, we’re all rooting for you and the Mister.

  2. Lucy’s Mom
    Comment by Lucy’s Mom | 04/02/08 at 12:35 pm

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re down in the dumps. You certainly have a right. I’ve always marveled at your upbeat attitude with the load you carry. Wish I could help but I can only say I care. Blog friends are strange creatures that you never meet, socialize with or talk to in person, but we are here. I’ll also be glad to send chocolate and spare ass. Just let me know where. Chin up old girl, there’s a lot of us out here who care about your fate and your life. You are not alone even though I know it feels like it. Kiss one of those furry faces. They really do help.

  3. The Other Donna
    Comment by The Other Donna | 04/02/08 at 12:50 pm

    Perhaps we could form the Spare Ass Society (slogan: Doing Good Deeds, One Chocolate at a TIme)??

    I think there are times when we are entitled to a day or a week of the doldrums, the blues, being sad — allow yourself to wallow (love that word!). We’re human — no one can be cheery and responsible and a good little soldier every day of the year. Within a day or so, I usually wake up and think, “Hmm — what was that about? Gone? Good!”

  4. Jeanette
    Comment by Jeanette | 04/02/08 at 1:07 pm

    I’m sure your doldrums will pass, just like the gloomy weather and (eventually..hopefully) the bad economy. I’m not so sure about the fucked up government, that may just pass to another fucked up government! Hang in there. Your made of sterner stuff than you think you are!

  5. Mrs. Who
    Comment by Mrs. Who | 04/02/08 at 3:59 pm

    Like the others, I just want to share that there are a lot of us out here who admire you and enjoy your writing so much. I can’t imagine being in the difficult situation you find yourself. And, because I always want to fix things and get everyone organized and plan everything - here’s some advice you can take with a big grain of salt. Get out of that house. Take a class, go to church, join a group, go shopping, go out to eat, go to a movie, take a drive, take a walk, go to the gym, go somewhere and do something. Just get out of the house. It might help. Can’t hurt.

  6. Carolyn J.
    Comment by Carolyn J. | 04/02/08 at 7:36 pm

    We all go a long way in our lives to not be lonely, or at least I have. What you’re talking about makes me think about my decision not to have children, because if I wind up in a similar situation as yours down the road, it will be the same for me.

  7. Jenn
    Comment by Jenn | 04/03/08 at 6:23 am

    I am so sorry. I have a fair idea of what you’re going through. For what little my opinion’s worth, I think you’re one of the bravest people it’s ever been my honor to read. It’ll be better when the weather turns better. Hang in there. You have a lot of people who are behind you and who hold your hand every day and cheer you on even if you can’t feel it or hear the voices. Big hug. -J

  8. Nancy
    Comment by Nancy | 04/03/08 at 7:33 am

    After my winter of wallowing I officially have enough spare ass for you, me, and all your commenters combined. However, I’m fresh out of chocolate. (See “spare ass”)
    Your posts are wonderful to read, insightful, funny, always food for thought. So in the midst of the blue meanies, as my mother used to call them, remember that so many of us in blogworld find you so interesting and a talented writer. And I love the other Donna’s Spare Ass Society idea.

  9. Judie Ashford
    Comment by Judie Ashford | 04/03/08 at 9:19 am

    Wish I was closer to you now, or that I knew you when we were there. Lots for me to think about what my future may hold. Someday maybe we can lean on each other a bit.

    Virtual hugs,

    Judie

  10. Fay
    Comment by Fay | 04/03/08 at 2:48 pm

    I too, admire you and The Mister, and enjoy your writing. That is all. :)

  11. Steve
    Comment by Steve | 04/03/08 at 7:48 pm

    Perfectly natural. Perfectly ok. But Mrs Who is right. Get out of the house. Go to the liquor store. See your pot supplier.

  12. Diane
    Comment by Diane | 04/05/08 at 6:43 am

    I think Steve has the obvious solution….it sometimes helps. Please be aware that all of us care about you and the Mister. I know life can be lonely at times but it will pass and spring will come and life will go on. OMG!!! I used to hate it when my mother said things like that.

  13. charlabob
    Comment by charlabob | 04/06/08 at 10:58 am

    I so admire your writing and your life — loneliness sucks. Being alone — not always. Know someone not so very far away is thinking of you.

  14. willikat
    Comment by willikat | 04/06/08 at 1:41 pm

    boo to loneliness…. it can strike anytime…..and sometimes stay too long. it’s a state of mind. but we are here to support you!!!! and this too, shall pass. xoxxo

  15. Michelle
    Comment by Michelle | 04/10/08 at 10:51 am

    Too bad you don’t live closer, I’ve been downing a good bit of chocolate myself. Still no job, no money, and did I mention I’m going through a divorce? My show of choice is also American Idol, my chocolate of choice is Heath bars!

    Oh by the way, I miss you!

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