17 Responses to “Dirty jokes” »»

1. Gina
   Comment by Gina | 03/25/08 at 10:02 am

   I can’t even remember the whole thing, and it really wasn’t dirty - just the first joke that I heard the adults telling while trying to not let me hear. It had something to do with a traveling laundry soap salesman and some woman’s dirty underwear.

2. stephanie brown
   Comment by stephanie brown | 03/25/08 at 10:05 am

   I unfortunately have no memory. I do remember sitting in the tree house part of our playground and my brother teaching me all the bad words. That is back when I thought ‘crap’ was a bad word….

3. Linda
   Comment by Linda | 03/25/08 at 10:25 am

   Stephanie: David used the word crap on the playground and I took it to mean “stuff.” My mother set me straight in no uncertain terms when I referred to the laundry that evening as a lot of crap to have to fold. And, Gina, no I don’t think my mother’s laundry was part of the traveling salesman joke. But who knows?

4. Laura
   Comment by Laura | 03/25/08 at 11:08 am

   What is pink and drags across the ocean floor???
   Moby’s Dick!! (Hey…it was HI-larious at when I was 8 or 9)

5. Mister
   Comment by Mister | 03/25/08 at 12:27 pm

   The set up to Fukkerfaster had to do with the way parents attach your last name when they get impatient with you. Mom was yelling upstairs where Johnny was in his bedroom with the neighbor girl. “Johnny. Oh, Johnny. Johnny Fukkerfaster!” And Johnny yells back the punchline. I told it to all my little female friends, many of whom said, “What are you talking about?”

6. Trina
   Comment by Trina | 03/25/08 at 2:25 pm

   I don’t remember my first dirty joke. But I do remember the “Johnny Fukkerfaster” joke. I remember not quite getting it at first then about 2 days later I got it. I am the same age as your niece so that joke must be one that gets passed around the playground.

7. The Other Donna
   Comment by The Other Donna | 03/25/08 at 2:28 pm

   With all the useless ‘crap’ I carry around in my head (but never stuff it would be GOOD to remember), it’s amazing I don’t remember the joke but it had something to do with Fats Domino and Blueberry Hill. I think!

8. Donna
   Comment by Donna | 03/25/08 at 3:06 pm

   whats the hardest part about eating vegetables? getting them out of the wheelchair.

   Hey, I didn’t write it.

9. MizzM
   Comment by MizzM | 03/25/08 at 4:30 pm

   Dirty jokes always horrified me because I used to be a huge prude. When I entered the workplace at the ripe old age of 21, I worked in a conference room that had been converted to house 4 desks. I was the only female, sharing the space with 3 male co-workers. One day, another male co-worker appeared and wanted to “shoot the shit” with the guys. He had a dirty joke to tell, and asked permission from me first before telling it. I, of course, wanting to be “accepted” as “just one of the guys,” told him to go ahead and tell it, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t remember the joke, but I do remember that the punchline involved the word C*NT. I turned beet red and nearly passed out from embarrassment, but the thing I remember most was the look on Wayne’s face after he finished the sentence and realized that the joke was just horribly inappropriate to tell in a workplace in front of a female regardless of whether or not I had given him permission. I think he suffered more than I did. A few years later, I got pegged to teach “Sexual Harassment Awareness” to my co-workers, and I used that example in class to explain the definition of “hostile work environment.” It was an accident, I had given them “permission” beforehand, it was not repeated, and my co-workers were glaringly-aware that it bothered me and were immediately apologetic. It never happened again; therefore, it was not harrassment but, instead, an unfortunate mistake, and that made it a non-issue for me.

   Funny thing is that one of those male co-workers is now one of my best friends, and I have learned to cuss like a sailor and talk smutty whenever I am around him. We find totally sophmoric and immature ways to make Legal Jargon sound filled with sexual innuendo in all of our email exchanges (which are always promptly deleted) but, since it’s not “unwelcome,” and I’m an active participant, that makes it perfectly okay and not a bit “hostile.”

   I was also married for 14 years, and you can’t live with a man for 14 years without sacrificing your prudish-ness. Just can’t be done.

10. Linda
    Comment by Linda | 03/25/08 at 6:03 pm

    MizzM: The C word is one that really never needs to be used. Except, of course, for the girl who broke it up between her brother and me when I was in high school. I’m still pissed.

11. Liss
    Comment by Liss | 03/25/08 at 6:40 pm

    On the night of their 50th anniversary, the wife looked her husband and said “You know, I never thought we’d make it this far, but I swore if we did I’d share this with you.” She slid a large chest out from under the bed - one that had been there, locked, their entire marriage. She unlocked it and showed her husband what was inside.

    Her husband had always wondered what she kept in the box, so he was surprised to look inside and see three dried-up ears of corn and stacks and stacks of money - over $10,000. “Well, this something, for sure,” he said. “But why is there corn in here with this money?”

    “Every time I cheated on you while we were married, I put an ear of corn in this chest,” his wife explained. He wasn’t too happy to hear that, but figured three times in fifty years…that’s not so bad. “Okay,” he said, “but where did the money come from? We never did make all that much income…”

    “Well,” his wife explained, “every time I had a bushel of corn in the chest, I sold it.”

    (Yes, that was what I considered a dirty joke when I was a kid. The fact that my grandmother was the one who told it is probably better left unexplored!)

12. stephanie brown
    Comment by stephanie brown | 03/26/08 at 8:28 am

    haha, that’s funny…David was the first person I ever heard say crap, too. I ran my little butt inside from the playground and tattled to my mother that David had said a BAD WORD. That was the day when I found out crap was indeed NOT a bad word. Boy did I feel dumb… lol

13. Libby
    Comment by Libby | 03/27/08 at 4:56 am

    I know the traveling soap salesman joke. His sales pitch is that his soap will get out any stain and odor and demonstrates it: “washy, washy, new blue cheer! Rinsey, rinsey, comes out clear! See, the stain is gone!” The housewife that greets him is wearing only a flimsy piece of lingerie. He says to take off the bottoms and he’ll demonstrate. “Washey, washey, new blue cheer! Rinsey, rinsey, comes out clear! *sniff at underwear in hand* Washey, washey, new blue cheer!”

    I didn’t say it was good joke, just that I knew it.

14. Libby
    Comment by Libby | 03/27/08 at 5:10 am

    The first dirty joke I remember hearing was: a truck driver picks up a hitchhiker and she starts giving him a blowjob. The truck driver loses control and gets into an accident and the hitchhiker hits her head on the (make motion of hands on steering wheel, and when other person supplies words “steering wheel,” say “oh, you blow truck drivers too?”)

    I remember being VERY offended because NO WAY did I blow truck drivers! I was kind of mad at the person who told me the joke, for even THINKING that I MIGHT blow truck drivers. Um, yeah. In my defense, I was only in 4th grade.

15. Quiana
    Comment by Quiana | 03/27/08 at 5:14 pm

    I also heard the Blueberry Hill joke as a kid, but don’t remember it.

    If I recall correctly my first dirty joke was something along the lines of:
    Two pregnant women were at the doctor’s office. One said to the other, “I’m going to have a boy.” The other woman asked her how she knew and she replied that her husband was on top. Then other woman started crying. The first woman asked her why she was crying, and she said, “Because I’m going to have a puppy.”

    I heard it and then repeated it for ages and had NO idea what it meant. I was probably 8 or 9 at the time.

16. Steve
    Comment by Steve | 03/27/08 at 7:38 pm

    It was probably one of the “little Johnny” jokes like when little Johnny walks in on his dad putting a rubber on and says “daddy, what are you doing?”. Daddy, flustered said “I’m going to kill a mouse.” Little Johnny: “What are you going to do, fuck it to death?” or same thing, walks in on Mom. What’s that? That’s where an Indian hit me with his ax. Ha! Gotcha right in the c**t didn’t he.

17. Jennifer
    Comment by Jennifer | 03/29/08 at 11:17 pm

    Four nuns die in an auto accident and are in line to check into Heaven. Saint Peter questions each woman as she comes through the Pearly Gates:

    St.Peter: my sister, do you have any final confession to make before you enter Heaven?
    Nun#1: Well, I have carried this secret to my grave, but I must admit, I have in my life gazed upon the organ of a man.
    St.Peter: thank you for admitting your sin, go splash onto your eyes some holy water from the font there.
    —
    Saint Peter asks the same question of Nun#2.
    Nun#2: Nun #1’s brave confession has compelled me to also confess. I have in my life touched the organ of a man.
    St. Peter: you are forgiven my sister, go wash your hands in the holy water from the same font.
    —
    At this point, nuns #3 and #4 begin struggling and fighting at the back of the line. Saint Peter is shocked as he pulls the writhing women apart.
    St Peter: Ladies, please! Why this conflict at the gates to Heaven?
    Nun#4: I am just trying to get ahead of Nun#3 in line. Because if I am going to have to gargle with the water from the holy font, I want to do so before she douches with it.

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